Our conception of anxiety tends to view it as an ever-present, unchangeable force that is beyond our control. In actuality, though, a lot of our nervous habits are learnt, so it makes sense that anything that can be learned may also be “unlearned.”
For instance, the mother of a little kid is constantly worried about everything and anything, and her constant monologue is one of fear, worry, and impending disaster. Her avoidance, isolation, and tendency to shield herself from her perceived certainty of a bad ending are all manifestations of her conduct, which reflects her conception of life as a risky endeavor. She tells her son that the amusement park is too crowded, the rides are too risky, and there are too many strangers when he begs if they can go. She basically conveys the idea that the whole thing is dangerous.
Her behavior response, which reflects this thinking, is to inform her son that they would be better off staying at home rather than going to the amusement park. Young children’s minds are flexible and pliable, so her kid learns that pleasurable things can actually be perilous, that busy areas can be dangerous, and that strangers can be a warning sign. He may develop a maladaptive pattern of conduct throughout his life if he is prone to inheriting his mother’s avoidance-based behavioral response.
Naturally, every event and context is different. There is no assurance that the youngster will exhibit all of his mother’s anxiety-related habits as an adult. Neural flexibility actually demonstrates that thought and behavior patterns are malleable. As the child gets older, it’s possible that he will develop beliefs that are substantially different from his mother’s.

So, what are we going to do? We must first recognize that some of the beliefs we hold dear are not truly our own; we may have inherited them and failed to see their potential for challenge and reexamination. Children and teenagers start to question their parents’ beliefs and build their own worldviews as they progress through normal developmental phases. The boy in this scenario might come to the realization that, in contrast to his mother, he likes going to amusement parks and actually feels totally safe when riding the rides and mingling with other guests. As a result, his behavioral response differs greatly from his mother’s. He moves in the direction of the stimulus from which she fled.
This straightforward example demonstrates how we inherit and acquire beliefs and habits, and—more significantly—how we start to unlearn these same beliefs. Start by selecting an anxious belief and asking yourself, “Whose belief is this?” before applying the idea of unlearning to your own life.
Next, look into how the belief is accompanied by conduct and consider, “whose response is this?” The road to questioning yourself, “What is my belief?” has now been cleared. For the youngster in this scenario, his mother owned both the behavioral response of avoidance and the notion that crowded places are unsafe. He thought that amusement parks were safe and enjoyable.
We can acknowledge that other people’s opinions and actions are shaped by their experiences, but we can also give ourselves permission to challenge and reject opinions and actions that don’t fit with the way we live.